How to Determine the Feeling You Are After: The Basics and Examples

What do you want your life to feel like? What about your day-to-day? Are you happy with the way things are, or do you feel like something is missing? In order to change or improve something, you need to first identify what it is. The same goes for determining the feeling you are after. You may have an idea of what this feeling is, but it’s important to be clear and specific. In this blog post, we will discuss the basics of determining the feeling you are after and give some examples.

The Basics:

We cannot control our emotions. That is a fact, our emotions are triggered by stimuli that we cannot control. So if we cannot control our emotions what can we do to stay level-headed and well-balanced?

We can focus on feeling. The difference between emotions and feelings is that we can choose how we feel.

When we become annoyed and upset, it can be easy to hate the stimuli that have caused this, whether that be a person or an event. But there are two ways to deal with these painful stimuli.

1: You Can Let It Control Your Day.

How many of us have done this? Allowed one event, one snide or crude remark wreck our day. Throughout the day we just rewind to the moment and it fills us with nothing but sheer anger.

Our insides turn red and we think of one hundred different ways we could have answered back or won the argument. You start to craft the perfect response in your head, which you wished you had had hours ago.

Then you snap back to attention. But the rage is still there.

We all have felt like this. The only issue is that this does not help us. When we become embittered by a past event, we can too often miss an opportunity in front of us.

We can easily forget, that we cannot change the past, no matter how many times we envisage a different situation or a different outcome.

This can never be used positively. And is what I like to call emotional control. Where your feelings are hijacked by the emotions of the event.

2: You Can Re-Focus And Move Forward:

The second option is the option that I prefer, and it is the option that I teach as well. When we have a negative experience in our day from environmental stimuli (one that you cannot control) it is easier to move on and forget it.

Someone made a crude remark… So? Who cares!

Throughout life, not everyone will like you. They will not like your clothes, they will not like your message, you may clash with their world view and they may not be able to handle it and that is totally fine!

The fact they have made a bad remark or an event that you traveled to was canceled can be seen as a blessing.

When we get nervous because we are trying something new we can either run away from it, or we can embrace the nerves and realise that this means a lot to us and that it is a chance to grow into something bigger than ourselves.

We can determine how we feel about environmental stimuli. We can control our thoughts.

Moreover, we can control our mindset!

When you begin to believe in this concept life your life begins to change. The tides of life no longer dictate where you go, but you do as you begin to find the rows in your canoe.

So what questions can we ask to be able to determine the feeling?

1: What Are The Emotions You Have Been Feeling Lately?

The first step is to identify what you have been feeling, whether that be sadness, anxiety, doubt, happiness whatever.

Only when we admit that we have a problem can we begin to fix the problem.

2: The Areas Of Life Where I Feel I Am Not Having The Feelings I Want Are?

Now we need to begin to gain clarity on the areas of life that we need to be focusing on.

Whether that be in our personal life as in our relationships or our business or job.

3: The Feelings I Want To Experience More In Life Are:

What do YOU want to feel, as I have said earlier in this blog, you control your mindset, you can make the decision to feel whatever you want to feel.

4: The Next Time I Feel A Negative Emotion I Will Remind Myself That:

We all experience moments of doubt, anxiety, helplessness, nerves. But that does not mean we have to accept that emotion as our feeling.

Decide how you want to feel and then remind yourself of that.

Conclusion:

We will never be able to control our emotional responses to environmental stimuli. But we have a choice of how we let these affect the rest of our day. We can either let the past ruin the present or stop our future.

Or we can decide to move forward with today focus on the gift that is the present and build to a better future. The choice is really yours.

Until tomorrow this has been your coach Andy.